Chinese Women in Love and Marriage

 A Guide to Happiness in Cross-Cultural Relationships


Chinese women in love and marriage


Dawn Xiao Yan Li





Chinese women in love and marriage


Scott P. Merry


Let's bridge the gulf of misunderstandings & intolerance, cultivate cultural awareness & diversity 

through intercultural love and marriage, and lead to a better world in which to live!


Meet author Dawn for a chat







  1. A Brief History of Chinese Marriage

  1. Men were dominant for thousands of years

  2. Marriage reform over the last decades

  2. Chinese Women in Dating  and Marriage 

  1. The past: Victims of marriage

  2. Chinese women today

  3. How Chinese women differ from other Asian women?

  4. How Chinese women differ from Western women?

  5. Why choose Chinese ladies?

  6. Why Chinese ladies choose you?

  3. Dating Chinese Women

  1. Your honesty wins her honesty

  2. Dating her online

  3. Wisely mastering your dating progress

  4. Sex

  1. Money 

  2. Precautions

 4. How to Communicate Well

  1. Sincerity and Honesty

  2. Openness

  3. Be aware of difference in background

  4. Reassurance

  5. Help her learn English

  6. Choose the right communication tools

 5. Chinese Cultural tips on Dating and Marriage

  1. General culture tips

  2. Food cultural tips

 6. Getting Married - Paperwork

  1. Marry her in China

  2. Marry her in your country

 7. Afterword


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Some of the questions you all want answers to..


  • What love, marriage and family values are held by Chinese women today?
    Do Chinese women find western men attractive? 
    Why do Chinese women choose Western men? Why choose Chinese women?
    How Chinese women differ from other Asian and Western women?
    Can love exist with different cultures and backgrounds?
    How to communicate well with someone from a different culture and background?
    How to find a Chinese bride through the Internet? 
    How do I write my profile? How do I write my first email to her?
    Will the relationship be built on personality, friendship and integrity, not money or others?
    How do I know her sincerity and her intention?
    How do I know she is my Miss/Ms right? What are the good questions for me to ask?
    How do I master my dating progress with her? Can I sleep with her after 1 or 2 dates?
    What is the right time for me to visit her in person if we meet online? Should I visit her first?
    Is it safe to travel to China? Can she visit me first?
    What does sex mean to Chinese women? Can I discuss sex with her? 
    How to improve our communication if her English is not so good! How can I help her English?
    Cultural Tips on dating Chinese women 
    Communication tips for long distance relationships
    Warning tips to protect you from being cheated
    How long does it take to get fiancé visa and how to process it? 
    What documents are required if I marry her in China?
    More questions? ... Please read the book.

Find the answers in "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage"!


Please Download "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage" Now





You are truly welcome to send us your comments for the book


Customer Reviews from


Hello At the start of last year I met a Chinese lady via a different site to yours but she recommended that I read the book Chinese Women in Love and Marriage I did. Last November I spent some time in Chongqing with the lady in question with the result that later this year we are due to be married so the advice in the book is certainly worth it So here is a big Thank you for that book.

- Nicholas (UK) January 2014


This message is to Ms. Dawn Xiao Yan Li. Dawn: Thank you so much for your book, Chinese Women in Love and Marriage. I am now in Beijing visiting a wonderful woman who reached out to me two months ago on another Internet dating site. The relationship has just grown so much. I recently read your book and found it extremely informative. My (now) girlfriend Sophia has been impressed and grateful with how I have treated her and it is due to reading your book to understand Chinese women better. I am going to recommend that she read your book "Finding True Love Online" to gain a better understanding of me and my Western upbringing and orientation. Unless, of course, you would recommend another book by you that perhaps has been published since 2006.  Again, thank you so much, Dawn.

 - Eric March 2012


I bought the book, "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage", and immediately read it cover to cover. It is a wonderful help for my special lady in Hunan and me - I share in my letters and in our chats many of the helpful tips. We also pick one topic from the book at a time to explore - we each take a week to write down our thoughts privately, send them to each other in a letter on the same day and then chat and write about it until we are both agree it is time for the next topic. We are both committed to making sure we have done all we can to know each other intimately before meeting face-to-face, so that when we do it is a reunion rather than a first meeting. Thank you Dawn!


- Jeff (USA)  July 2011


I have learned greatly as I would have been so confused had I not had the knowledge you offer in this book and want to thank you for taking the time to write this, it has been a great help and as I said I would have felt like giving up had I not had some understanding. I am surprised at how you say that chinese women are confused about love as I have had countless women say they love me just by talking with them. I also am surprised at how quickly they are to get married as I could have married the lady I am with now the 2nd day I knew her but did not since I knew why she would think this way. This is so very strange to me yet it is so very nice as women in America never can commit to anything so it seems. Again thank you so much.

- Ray (USA)   May 2010


I just finished reading Dawn's book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage". I loved it! I purchased a hard printed copy of the book because I want to take it with me and read it with my girlfriend during my next visit to China, next month.


I met the love of my life, my Wendi, on line in November of last year.  Sorry, we met on another web site, not Asian Promise.  But now I have visited your site I must say that I wish we had met there but at the time we didn’t know of your site.


Wendi and I are planning to be married in January next year! And because of that fact, I am the happiest man on earth! Although mine and Wendi’s relationship is already very wonderful and is growing stronger and deeper daily, I wanted to purchase your book to learn more about how best to build this already great relationship into a fantastic love and marriage.  Your book has given me some really good ideas and the confidence that I can do this. I can brave all the Government red tape and the fact that I can’t see her as often as I would like, because I know that the rest of my life will be much better by doing these things.


Cross cultural - Long Distance - Relationships are difficult at best but I have found that the different cultures actually enhance the relationship. It makes her so much more interesting. I believe if an American man finds a Chinese lady and the two of them fall in love and he can approach his relationship with her in a serious, honest and respectful manner, he will be rewarded beyond compare. There is an enormous difference in the attitude of most Chinese women compared to Western woman that causes them to be much more serious and dedicated to their relationships. I think it may be due to the fact that family is so much more important in China than in the West.


But, thank you again for your wonderful book,  I’m sure it will help thousands of American men find happiness and a true meaningful loving relationship with one of the best women on earth, a “Modern Chinese Lady”. Keep up the good work!  American men need your services!

 - Roger (USA)   July 2009

After a dismal attempt to find someone through the chnlove site and paying per message I decided to try again. I found a reference to your Chinese Women in Love and Marriage book on and purchased it through I have to say that it was very good in the differences in our cultures and I thank you very much for the advice there. I am so impressed that I would like to try to purchase the version for Mainland China Simplified Finding True Love Online for a lady I am corresponding with currently in Nanning. Thank you for your work and guidance.

- Peter (USA)   July  2009 


I am the fiance of your member Jie(1846). I would like to say I am very thankful to you for your wonderful book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage" . After reading it, I understand a lot about Chinese women and Chinese cultures;  it helped me understand Jie much better and smoothed  away many difficulties in front of us. Jie is a very wonderful woman. I am very lucky to have found her and also feel very lucky to read your wonderful book and follow your nice advice about how to communicate with Chinese women. Thanks again for your book.

- Jeff (USA)  


I am most impressed by your booklet and explains to me what went wrong when after two years of daily chat with a " highly educated "lady and a firm commitment to meet her ( and to marry her when I get there) suddenly ended in painfull silence from her. Your red flags to watch out for (total refusal to speak English or excuses not to learn) say it all. Fortunately on my part. No money was lost. Your book certainly is a great help. Thank you.

- Ernest


I want to say I am very glad I purchased your book. My name is Scott Crispin and I live in Biloxi. You can use my comments or letters for your web site if you like. I have learned a lot from your book and I appreciate it, especially about the different ways of showing love. If I would not of read your book about that I would of probably got upset because she wasn't showing me any affection back. She still has a hard time about kissing me and I still feel different about that because I am the type that loves to hold and kiss. She also got upset when I sent flowers to her because she thinks its a waste of money so I learnt not to do that again. But I really care about her and your book has taught me to have patience and to learn the real meaning of love in different cultures. I want to thank you again.      

- Scott (USA)


I much enjoyed the book Chinese Women in Love and Marriage. The information is very valuable to prospective western husbands, and is worth far more than the price I paid for it.  I will shortly send a donation to your site in appreciation of your valuable service.  Many thanks!

- John / ID 3275 (USA)


I was a member of Asian Promise website (1981). I would like to express my gratitude to Dawn Xiao Yan's great books. I bought the Chinese book "FINDING TRUE LOVE ONLINE" last year. From reading this book I found many answers to natural questions, such as :is it possible to search for true love online? how can I judge he is a good person? Honestly, I was very suspicious towards finding true love online especially on across-culture before I read her book. But after I finished reading I felt I would like to experience by myself. 


I met a man online later. After I talked to him for months, I felt I should go back to read your book again because I found he was not an honest person. Your book helped me to judge and I gave him up. 


In November, 2007 I met Richard (from USA) online. He is a person who has been fascinated with Chinese culture and history since he was a little boy. In order to get more guidance, he bought the English book "CHINESE WOMEN IN LOVE AND MARRIAGE" . Everyday we talked on web cam cell. We communicated with one another every topic that we wanted. We got married on May, 24, 2008 in Harbin. He is my true love in my lifetime!

- Jane (China)


I am the fiance of your member Jie(1846). I would like to say I am very thankful to you for your wonderful book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage" . After reading it, I understand a lot about Chinese women and Chinese cultures;  it helped me understand Jie much better and smoothed  away many difficulties in front of us. Jie is a very wonderful woman. I am very lucky to have found her and also feel very lucky to read your wonderful book and follow your nice advice about how to communicate with Chinese women. Thanks again for your book.

- Jeff (USA)  


Thanks for Dawn's book and all her help! Dawn has given me good advice and it truly has been helpful. If not for Dawn, I might not have gone to China and met my beautiful wife to be. 

- Scott (USA)


This is a fabulous book and just what I wanted. I feel love in Chengdu but your book is just what I need to make sure. I have met a lovely lady on the internet and I am travelling to China in October to meet her, then Dawn's book is a "Godsend" because it seems to answer all those questions that go through your mind and enlightens you on many aspects of the cultural differences but fills you with a certain confidence that you are doing the right thing and that it is not so unusual after all! 


Dawn's book answers all the questions for anyone serious about a lasting relationship with a Chinese woman. How can you find out answers to questions about culture, etiquette etc. if you haven't lived there among the people? You cannot and furthermore even if you did live there you would have to either learn Chinese very quickly (impossible!) or be lucky to find someone who can speak very good English and who is very knowledgable about all the subjects Dawn tackles in her book.

- Allen (United Kingdom)


I have read all of the book, and I must say I found it interesting reading.

- David (New Zealand)


Great Book! I loved your book - "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage." The content was very clearly written and well organized and gave me confidence in how to approach a relationship with a Chinese woman that I had met online before purchasing your book. I shall travel to Beijing to meet her next month to see if our relationship is meant to be. I had a question on how to obtain your other book written in Chinese for my girlfriend that she might also be enlightened to Western Culture as I have been to hers. Thank you so much,

- Chris (USA)


The book is very well written. Thank you very mcuh.

- Tim (Australia)  

It is wonderful to read Dawn Xiao Yan's new book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage". She has painted a very real picture of Chinese women on the marriage in the past and nowadays. I have to say Dawn is the right person to write this book.

Although it is a book to help Western men to find Chinese lady for love, however as a Chinese lady, I also find helpful. I am appreciated that the book helps me to discover myself, which I never tried before, such as how I differ from western ladies, what the value I have as a Chinese woman in Western men’s eyes. As you can see, being a divorced woman with a kid, plus higher education than most of Chinese men, it is difficult for me to find a Chinese partner in China. The discovery has given me more confidence on searching my happiness in an cross-cultural marriage.

To develop a cross-cutural relationship is not easy as we all could imagine. It is a hard work especially for us to meet online. It needs more patience, energy, belief and perseverance. Currently I have been dating with a guy from USA for10 months. He is very sincere and a very good guy. However we haven’t met in person, which has made me difficult to keep being patient and confident. I have introduced this book to my boyfriend recently. Hopefully with "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage - A Guide to Happiness in Cross Cultural Relationships", we will develop our relationship easier and happier.

- Ping (China)

The book is provocative. I think the combination of Mao's regime on top of the thousands of years of male-Sky domination certainly created problems for love in China. And the empty materialism of the modern big-business China is no solution either. I think there is a genuine opportunity for open-minded, stable American gentlemen to find true love and happiness with your website and book.

- Kris / ID 1209 (USA)


"...a number of well-educated, middle-income women in Beijing were generally convinced by Dawn Xiao Yan Li's portrayal of their fair sex. One affluent Chinese said she was uncomfortable being asked to read Dawn’s book, but after delving through the chapters, was pleasantly surprised by the accuracy of the author's words."

- City Weekend,, the largest privately owned English language magazine in China

The author was Interviewed by "City Weekend", Please see Interview


Book Review - by Richard Kaser


The statistics have shown that there are more and more cross-cultural relationships emerging as the world becomes increasingly international. "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage - A Guide to Happiness in Cross-Cultural Relationships" is a production of the new era. It guides Western men to date Chinese ladies for love and marriage. It helps Westerners to achieve happy cross-cultural relationships with Chinese women. The book was renamed from "A Guide to Find a Chinese Bride" in September 2006 to closer reflect the books contents and aims.


The book is written by a cross-cultural relationship expert with a unique perspective on relationships between Western men and Chinese women, built on her own life experience and from 6 years of running the dating website Asian Promise. Lots of true stories have been used to demonstrate the author’s views and suggestions in the book.


The book begins by briefly looking at the historical background of marriage in China to gain perspective on Chinese thoughts and philosophy of marriage today. It then focuses on Chinese women, their experiences and expectations of marriage in the past and present and the differences compared to the rest of Asia and the West. Chapter 3 then gets to the meat of the questions that Westerners all have. It provides a comprehensive guide on dating Chinese ladies with a special section on online dating - a popular method for cross-cultural dating today. The book covers very practical issues such as how to start your search, what to write, when to visit, how to avoid being cheated and more sensitive subjects such as sex and money.


Chapter 4 looks at the universally important subject of communication, but which is even more important here due to the cultural and differences. The author highlights many possible areas of conflict and misunderstanding and explains the cultural background from which these might arise. The key message is that differences are not necessarily bad, but that good communication skill is the key to success. The remaining chapters provide very practical and relevant cultural tips and advice on how to go about getting married whether in China or in the West.


The book has given an insight into Chinese women and helps Westerners to understand Chinese women comprehensively. Until now, what information can be gleaned about Chinese ladies today is still scarce, shallow and even biased. Therefore, besides its practical value, "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage" is also a useful reference book for Chinese study.