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It
is a nice feeling to love and be loved
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Roger is
from Massachusetts, USA. He met Jing through Asian Promise in
February, 2001. They married in October, 2002 in USA. Over one
year and half dating, Roger visited Beijing, China, which is
Jing's home, three times. Through his visits and his
cross-cultural dating, he understands China and Chinese people
more and more. Here Roger shares his valuable experience and
his appreciation of Asian Promise with you. |
It was a very lonely night for me when I decided to
play on the computer and maybe try to meet an Asian girl. I
thought it might be nice to find a friend that I could write to and
tell my heart to. Getting divorced after being married for 22 years
had really taken it's toll on me. The divorce had devastated me. I
was feeling so very alone and very sad.
All I wanted was someone who I could write to, maybe
even talk to on the phone sometimes. I had heard that Asian women
had a different attitude than American women did. I thought I would
find out for myself. I didn't really like being so alone and I did
feel so very alone.
Somehow I found Asian Promise (www.asianpromise.com) and
began looking at the different profiles Asian women had posted.
There were many women to look at and so I wrote a letter (e-mail)
and sent it to several of them. It was the same letter to each. I
wondered who if anyone would answer to such a lonely and depressed
man. I was 50 years old now and in debt. I was feeling so lost
in life. Yet still I sent the letters.
By the grace of God I received this e-mail from a girl
named 'Vanessa.' Her name sure didn't sound Asian to me, but
her profile said she was Chinese and her photo looked as if she was
Chinese. But a Chinese girl? From communist Red China? It felt
a little bit scary to contact someone from Red China That's what I
had been taught to call the country of China.
We began writing to each other quite a bit. I had so
much hurt in my heart that to be able to release it to this girl who
was so far away from me was truly a blessing. The many miles between
us was more than enough to let me feel safe and secure. At that time
I couldn't trust any woman. I just wanted a friend. It seemed to me
that I had found one with this Chinese woman whose real name I found
out was Xujing. Now that name sounded Asian to me.
For many years it had been a dream of mine to go to the
great wall of China. I never imagined that such a dream could
come true for me. It was so far away and it would cost so much
money to go to see it. Of course after a while I did ask Xujing if
she had ever seen the Great wall of China. To my surprise she told
me of course she had, it was right there in Beijing. I thought she
was so lucky. I dreamed of going to China to see the Great
Wall myself.
A few weeks later Xujing invited me to visit China. She
even said she would bring me to the Great Wall. She told me she
would take good care of me, that she could do many things for me if
I came to meet her. But to be honest, my desire to go to China was
not to meet Xujing. All I thought about was going to see the Great
Wall. I had no desire for a girlfriend or any relationship
more than just as a friend. I didn't want to lead my Chinese friend
on nor did I want to try to take advantage of her. I was very honest
in all of my communications to Xujing. I love adventure. I love
romance too, but I wasn't ready for any more romance in my life. I'd
settle for some adventure though. There were a million reasons not
to go to China and only one reason to go - to see the Great Wall. I
could not afford the time and I had no money. But I still wanted to
go. I searched online and began the process of finding out
more about travelling to this foreign exotic land of mystery. But I
was scared about it. I mean, I was going to communist China to see a
girl who I only knew from the computer. I had heard so many bad
stories about these relationships and meetings through the computer.
I found out was that to stay with a Chinese family in Beijing, I
would need to get a special license/permit from the Beijing
police. OK, no problem. I was going to Beijing to see the
Great Wall. I was just going to see a friend, that's all. A friend
who was going to bring me to the Great Wall.
As I traveled for 17 hours on the
plane, I got to know the flight attendants. I like to talk. They
thought it was quite exciting about what I was doing. They told me
that they had seen many people travel as I was to meet someone they
had met on the computer. As long as both of the people had been
totally honest with each other, they said, there was a good chance
that things would go good. The flight attendants wished me luck and
gave me a new full bottle of American wine for me to share with my
new Chinese friends. They were all so nice to me and I enjoyed
the flight very much even though it took so long. My adventure to
China had really begun in earnest.
Excited and ready for the best, hopefully, I arrived in
Beijing. Somehow above all the noise from an International airport,
I heard the small sound of Xujing's voice calling my name. There she
was, for real. She was a woman too thankfully. She had not lied to
me yet! She even looked cuter than her photo and she was all smiles.
Her English was good enough for me too. Against my protests,
she took me to her mother's home where she said I would stay for the
week. I told her about the police license I thought I needed and
that I would just stay in a hotel. But she laughed and told me it
was no problem. She said that it was OK, things were not like that
in Beijing now.
Never do I remember being so welcomed
anywhere as I was at her Mom's home. Her family made me feel so
welcome, so special and wanted. I cannot even begin to explain how
nice these people were to me. Just thinking about it now as I write
this makes my heart feel so warm and grateful for now having such
close friends and family. They shared all they had and gave their
love so freely and truly, so completely. My God had blessed me so
much bringing me to Beijing.
Xujing brought me to many places to see many things. I
did go to the Great Wall of China. The Chinese say you are not a
hero unless you reach the top of the Great wall. My dream had come
true, I did climb and reach the top. Xujing made my dream come true
for me. It was she who made my visit to China so great. She
was the nicest of everyone there. For the entire nine days I was
there, she took very good care of me. She brought me to see the
Forbidden, the Emperors Summer Palace, the Temple of Heaven and
the Lama Temple. I met her family and her friends who all made me
feel more than welcome in their homes. They all even gave me
presents. So many presents. It is the Chinese way I was told. I was
so glad I had that bottle of wine. I have never experienced such a
wonderful place before in my life. Mostly it was the Chinese people
that I met who made my stay in Beijing so wonderful. But it was
Xujing who was the best to me.
She was amazing.
Just before I was to leave China and head on home,
Xujing told me that she had fallen in love with me. Oh boy.........
oh boy, I had to get back home real quick I thought. I hadn't
planned on this. I didn't know what to say or do except that I
should hurry up and get back to the good old USA. That is just what
I did too. I remember how good I felt then to get back to the USA.
I spent the next few months working hard trying to pay
for my trip, but I found myself calling Xujing everyday more and
more. I couldn't get her out of my thoughts. When I found myself
driving down the highway with her photo on my dashboard, I started
asking myself what the heck was I doing? I wasn't ready for a
girlfriend. Especially one who was so far away, one who was on the
other side of the world even. But I had never known a woman like her
before. No one could be so unselfish. After all, I am an American. I
am use to selfish people. I am selfish myself. But she wasn't. It
couldn't be true. No one was really like her. No one could truly be
that way. My mind was playing tricks on me. It had to be.
That is when I decided maybe I should go back to China
again to see for sure. Yes, again. Again she was just awesome.
Her family was awesome. Her friends were awesome. Everything about
her was awesome.
She took me on a trip to Phuket Island in Thailand for
five days. I got to swim in the Indian Ocean! How cool is that? We
laughed so much and had so much fun together. I felt so at ease with
her. I soon realized I had fallen in love with her too. How could I
not fall in love with such a wonderful Chinese woman as she is? My
God has truly blessed me. How grateful I am to Asian Promise for
introducing me to Xujing.
We had a wonderful small wedding that my entire family
here in America were very happy about. They are all very accepting
of Xujing and all of them like her very much. Everyone treats her
with the most respect and kindness as she treats me and them.
As hard as it is for me to believe, I am now a happy
man. To think of all the troubles I have gone through in my life and
to now be able to start a new life with such a great wife is truly a
blessing for me and my family. I praise God, My Lord Jesus Christ
for all the blessings He has rained down onto me.
Recently we found out that Xujing is now pregnant too.
Wow, I am 51 years old and I am going to have a new baby. God is so
great to me. I'm going to be a Daddy again. Life is wonderful. I am
happy. Of course life will bring problems to us in America as
in any country, but I think together we will rise above any troubles
and hopefully live happily ever after. Why can't life be like a
fairy tale? So far, life is good. I smile a lot now with Xujing. It
is a nice feeling to love and be loved.
Written by Roger P. Anderson
Cultural
Sparkles with Dick
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Dawn emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. Then she moved to
Hong Kong from
N.Z.
in 1997. She has experienced a tremendous change in her life. Here
she not only shares her personal experience between East and West with you, but also
remembers her beloved husband Dick...
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I emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. It
was like a dream became true after an unbelievable effort to make it. It was not
difficult to imagine how happy I was. However soon I
fell to
the bottom of the world following my physically moving down to New Zealand. I
suffered from homesickness, culture shock and disappointment. I felt very depressed. The worst part
of all was my confusion. I did not
know whether I had chosen the right life path after an enormous effort to
leave China. I did not know where would be my future. I did not know how I could bring
a good life to my daughter who was only 3 years old and was still in China. After
one year of struggle in New Zealand, I decided to go back to China. Three weeks before
leaving New Zealand, I met Dick. Dick was a New Zealander. By the time I met him, he was
having a difficult time in his own marketing business because of the bad economy in
New Zealand. Meeting Dick was a turning point in my life. Dick made me to change my mind and started a new long march in
a new country. It was not easy at all, it was full
of difficulties, struggles, stress..., but with love between Dick and me,
We did it. We created a happy life for both of us. We
got married in Feb, 1997, only one week before we moved to Hong Kong. Dick had wanted to go to Asia for a long
time. He was amazed by Chinese history and he liked Chinese people. He wanted to
work in Asia and contribute his intelligence there. It was a new challenge to us. However
we were not afraid of it because we were together. Things happened beyond of our thought. Dick was sick soon
after we moved to Hong Kong. He died in August 1997, six months after we
moved to Hong Kong. It was a big and sudden loss to my daughter and myself. I
fell
to the
bottom of my life again. However with Dick's spirit, I did not give up this
time. I stood
up on my own feet and followed Dick's dream to start a new life in
Hong Kong. Love is powerful and love is patient. With
love, everything became possible. Without Dick's love, I would not have today's success
. To remember Dick and his love, I wrote "Cultural Sparkles"
and would like you to share our love between the East and West. [Back
to Top]
Dinning Out with Friends at the Weekend Once
I went to a clinic to help a Chinese couple, who just immigrated to New Zealand, to communicate with doctors
in hospital (I was a healthcare interpreter) . After the
interview, the Chinese couple invited me to have dinner with them on the
coming weekend. As I was Chinese myself, I understood it was a Chinese custom to say
thanks. I accept it as I wanted to make friends from my own country and wanted
to have a chance to speak my mother tongue. Back then my
daughter and I had been living with Dick for sometime. We always spent time
together at the weekend. Dick loved it. The weekend had become a family time to us.
When I told Dick that I had an invitation from a Chinese couple, Dick was very
happy and thought he was also invited automatically. After
I told him only myself had been invited, he way very upset. I explained to him it was a Chinese
way to say thanks and the dinner would be paid by them. If he came along as
well, it meant that they had to pay money for him as well. The money was always
tight for the new migrants from China. Dick said: "Money is not a problem, we can pay
for our dinner ourselves. I want to meet them too. I want to be with you because it
is a family day." Well, Dick was right. We could pay
for dinner ourselves. However it is not Chinese culture to share the cost. It
is embarrassing to split the money in public to Chinese. It was also not so important to
spend time with your partner or children at the weekend. I was in a cultural dilemma. After a long time
of thought, I called the
Chinese couple and carefully expressed my husband's wish on the telephone. I thought that they
would understand me and accept it. To my surprise, they rejected. The dinner was
cancelled. I forgot the fact that they had just came to the West and would take time
to accept the Western ways. [Back
to Top]
Sandra's Holiday in New Zealand
Sandra had been away from home since she moved to England,
after marrying her British husband. One day, Dick told me that Sandra and
her husband were coming to visit him. It was big news to me because Dick had
not seen his daughter for 11 years and I hadn't met Sandra before! I was very excited
and nervous. I said to Dick that I could stay away from home some time so that
he could spent some time with his daughter alone. Dick did not pay much
attention on what I said. Then he even got angry when I suggested that I could
sleep in my mother's house so that we could make our own bedroom
available for Sandra and her husband. After raising all the kind thoughts I could
think about, Dick made a very clear statement: "I want you to be with
me as much as usual. Sandra and her husband can sleep in our living room if they
do not want to stay in the motel." I
was upset by Dick's decision and was worried by Sandra's
response to them later. To my surprise, things turned up
very well and my worries were totally irrelevant. We had a very good time
together. Sandra and her husband felt very much at home when they were with us because
they were in very warm family surroundings. Sandra was also very happy to
see her Dad enjoying his life more than ever. On the last day of
Sandra's holiday, Sandra and her husband took our whole family out for
dinner to thank us for our hospitality. We all enjoyed our time together. From
this experience, I learnt that there was a very different way to show your
hospitality. In China, you try to offer guests more than you could realistically
do. In the
end, often the guests and hosts both get too exhausted to enjoy their time
together. However in the West, you do what you are happy to do and not to let guests
feel guilty by seeing the trouble and inconvenience caused by them. The
most important thing is - if they love/like you, they want to see your
happiness, not to see you in trouble. [Back
to Top]
The Attitude to Sickness
It is coming soon.
Written
by Dawn Li
[Back to Top]
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