Precautions

Abstract from Chinese Women in Love and Marriage written by Dawn Xiao Yan Li

Chinese Dating and Marriage Agencies/Brokers

As everyone in China knows, there are many money-minded dating and marriage agencies/brokers in China. They make their money by using people who want to get out of China or who are naive. Their customers normally speak little or no English and come from poor remote areas of China. The agencies charge enormous sums of money (roughly equivalent to two year's salary) in return for guarantees to find a foreign husband for them. Nowadays more and more agencies in China are starting to use the Internet to find foreign husbands for their customers. They divide their service into three stages and charge their customers at each stage: finding/writing fee, meeting fee and success/marriage fee. The agencies look for dates and communicate with the dates on behalf of their customers. Some agencies don't tell their customers the contact details of the men they are dating so that they can control the whole dating progress. 

Many foreign men who have met ladies on the Internet are blind to the truth. When they finally meet their lover they find she is not the one they have corresponded with over the months, and discover her knowledge of English is very poor. Because there was actually no real communication, they find therefore there is no real love. Most such relationships through agencies, sooner or later, fail. 

I often hear stories from men like the following:

"I arrived with the expectation that she knew some English and have discovered that she speaks virtually no English. She was using a friend from her city to speak with me on the 'phone and did not tell me this beforehand, so when I arrived I was much disoriented. "

A “friend” here is normally the agent, whose services she pays for.  

Dating and marriage agencies/brokers, in general, do not have a good name in China. They are working for their benefits only. We sincerely suggest you to be careful if you use them. If you don’t have an opportunity to meet your lady where you are, the Internet is a great way to find her. However if you do find her through the Internet, make sure you are communicating with the lady herself and not an agent or a “friend”. It is not difficult for you to find out the truth if you are aware bad agencies do exist in China. To avoid being cheated by dishonest dating agencies or ladies when you date on the Internet, I suggest:


1.  To use the dating sites where the Chinese ladies come to the site themselves directly and be careful to use the dating sites where the Chinese ladies are from indirect sources, e.g. local dating and marriage agencies/brokers, translators, “friends” or others. Since agencies/brokers tend to use free dating sites to promote their customers,  be aware of this when you use the dating sites that offer free membership for women.

 2.  To test the identity of the person you’re communicating with by using a web camera. If your lady is able to access the Internet, she is able to install a webcam that costs much less than a computer.

3.  That whether her English is good or not is not so important. The more important thing is her attitude to English. If she continues to use a translator or an agent to communicate for her and doesn't study and practice English with you hard and directly herself, her sincerity to find true love is questioned (I will come back to this issue again in the next chapter). Love needs good and real communication, of which a common language between you plays an important role in your future happiness.

It is the bad practice of local dating and marriage agencies/brokers who have planted the seeds for bad and sad stories that have happened before and are still happening now. This is also the reason why Chinese government is always cautious about international dating and marriage. Chinese government wants to avoid the bad stories happening by controlling those agencies’ practice. This is the same as in the US, where the US Government introduced very strict laws (IMBRA) governing international marriage brokers and dating service and sites in March 2006. However “To give the sword to people” is the most effective way to help people find true love and to stop someone using people’s ignorance to make money.

Read more precautions, please go to Chinese Women in Love and Marriage

 

Important Note: The content on this page above is original material and copyright of Asian Promise. You are free to link to this page but copy any part of these materials above is prohibited.

 

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To support each other and find true love

welcome anyone to publish your precautions from your experiences here

 

(Although the following experiences have been carefully selected, we are not responsible for their complete truth)

 

Hello Dawn and Richard,


Thank you for your timely email. I have already read all of your book. I have been looking for 2 years for a chinese wife. I am serious to find. I have already been to Guangzhou 2 years ago this June. I found out about it all at first hand, the hard way, translater, etc, etc. And she wanted me to pay 18,000rmb which I refused. So I left the next day. I could never trust her to go back and she lied about her English status. I was just reading your precautions webapge. I see the website has been banned - "Yi Guang Lian" that is the one in Guangzhou that the lady I went to see was using. 

 

I have been on AFF, Cherry Blossoms, robsnanningsite, dateinasia, rsvp and finally your site. I am impressed by your site and think it a god send. I can see the sincerety and devotion you have put in it...


Ralph  6 April, 2008

 


Hi. Asian Promise,

 

I would just like to say, your web site is very good. But there are some ladies out there who are not completley true. I met a girl from Xiamen. I sponserd and helped her get her visa to Australia, and we got married here. After one year, I found out she was still having a internet affair with an old lover of hers, and then she left me just 3days after Christmas, one year after our marriage. She left of her own accord, I did not want her to go, I was willing to forgive her and work things out, but she was not interested. She showed no emothion at all, during this time, its obvious to all of us now, that she used me just to get her visa into Australia. I supported her finacially, as she said she had no money, although she found a good job, but said she had very little savings. I then found out she had a lot of money saved up, even though she asked me to pay for her visa, and all the other expenses. I was happy to do this, because I loved her, but to later find out that she bought lots of money with her from Xiamen, and put it into a bank account of her own in Australia, because she wanted to but a car for herself .and then continued to save money for herself, while I payed for most of our living expenses. I was finding it hard to pay for things, having payed for our wedding also, while she was just saving money for herself. This was and still is very hurtfull to me. That is all I have to say, it is all very sad, I just feel so betrayed and used.

 

Brian Lewis  14 Septemberl, 2007

 

Dear Dawn

 

I have something to send to you about "X" Chinese love site but will do so later as it is rather long. I suspected one of the translators was sending me E-mails from Nanning agency pretending they were from my contact Linda. I complained to "X" and they investigated it. The "fanyi (the translator), also named Chris" admitted it and apologised but I may have started something as it also transpires that Linda in Nanning was only sending me E-mails three times a week. I was getting E-mails everyday and was paying for them! It may also come to light that the "fanyi" was replying and not Linda. Linda also told me that she had to pay the Nanning agency 5300 Yuan for introducing me to her! Needless to say I am out of there and do not go on "X" website anymore.

 

However I have found a very nice person in Nanjing and she would like a copy of your book. She is a university lecturer and speaks and writes very good English.

Take care


Allen  9 April, 2007

 

Dear Dawn


I am sending you my latest letter to "X" (see the letter below) about the happenings with the lady from Nanning. You can certainly publish any of the contents. Although it is not too dramatic for Westerners to get into such a situation I think this deceitful practice is totally unacceptable for the Chinese ladies on this site. If  these are fairly common events then they are being deceived into believing that these Agencies can find them genuine partners and husbands. And then pay for the introduction whatever the outcome. Please see my latest letter below to "X" site:

 

Dear Freda


Thank you for your last Email. I have read the "apologic" letter from the translator but found it to be the typical work of a marriage agency whose sole aim is to get money. Being sorry does not excuse someone for interfering with peoples lives and loves. 

However since I wrote to you further misdemeanours have come to my notice regarding my correspondence and eventual meeting with Ms Liao Member no. P512085. It has come to my notice that the translator at this Nanning Agency was in the past answering many of my Emails and in doing so deceived me into believing that the answers came from Ms Liao. One instance I can remember is that I received an Email on a Sunday, sent a reply and received a reply at what was in China 11 P.M. the same evening ! When I queried how Miss Liao had received my Email at that time of the night she said that her translator had passed it on to her (although she did not work on a Sunday !). 

 

When I visited Nanning and asked Ms Liao about this she said that she did not know anything about it. This is preposterous behaviour on the part of this Agency as they are responsible for taking money from me under false pretences and, no doubt, many other unsuspecting members of "X" site. I say "taking money under false pretences" because as you know a credit is deducted from one's account for each Email (incoming and outgoing.) If you look at my account from November 2006 to February 2007 you will see many Emails (one a day, sometimes two) addressed to Ms Liao. This represents a lot of money! And to think I thought that I had found to woman that I wanted to marry!

Furthermore Ms Liao informs me that the Nanning Agency charged her 5300 Yuan for introducing me to her. This was also done under false prentences because it is now obvious to me that the reason for sending so many Emails was to entice me to China to see Ms Liao so that they could get the introduction fee from her. This money should be returned to her because of their deceit. Also when I arrived in Nanning and met Ms Liao, the translator (Chris) asked me time and time again if I would pay her 400 Yuan a day to translate for us. I agreed to pay for my second day there but refused to pay anymore despite her constant requests.

If this "fanyi" named Chris feels anything she should be ashamed of herself when she is told that Ms Liao and I have stopped being in contact with each other because Ms Liao did not turn out to be the person I thought I was corresponding with. This is a sad state of affairs .... I only hope that it is not a common situation across "X" site because many of your ladies are being given false hope and being deceived by these money hungry agencies. I think you at "X" should investigate this thoroughly and with some urgency because it may become common knowledge in the near future.


Yours

Allen