Personal Perspectives

To my friends who worry about my pace of life ... and pace of love ... - Published in 2010

Who Says the Internet Does Not Help Marriage? - Published in 2007

There are many sweet things between us - Published in 2007/2008

I can tell you this is a much more powerful and consistent way to meet Chinese women - Published in 2007

Extract from our men's cultural perspectives - Publsihed in 2005

It is a nice feeling to love and be loved - Published in 2003

Culture sparkles with Dick - Published in Oct. 2002

A lucky man had to say who is married to a Chinese Lady... - Published in Mar. 2001

Filipino women working in Hong Kong - Published in Sept. 2000

To my friends who worry about my pace of life ... and pace of love ...

Thank you dear friends for being concerned about how apparently quickly my relationship with Xiaochun has developed. I kept it quiet for a while until I just couldn't be quiet any more because I knew I had found a soul-mate and life partner like none other I had yet known or suspected would fill those roles. I was too happy to stay quiet.

Xiaochun is wise, patient, intellectually agile and fun to talk to about anything, deeply kind and loving, and bears all the traits that for millennia Chinese women have cultivated: a powerful sense of self and an equally powerful sense of caring for those they love. She wants to provide a peaceful and loving home for me (and I for her). Xiaochun has an 8 year-old son and she has me and her devotion to both of us, though one is very, very young in relation to the other (and the strongest mother-child bond), is profound. Xiaochun and I found each other in a way that the Universe facilitated and put understanding into our hearts that transcended time. Some of you may see me as simply love-smitten. Well, sure, I am. But I am also almost 50 and am skeptical of things which seem too good to be true. To some of you, this is. To me, this is God answering tear-assisted prayers to alleviate emptiness and solitude by someone who has shed the same tears and bears the same depth of feeling for another.

This is not a woman who just wants to leave China and find a better life with an American man. This is a woman who wants to love again (for the two of us it is going to be a more mature love, so it will be like the first time for each of us) and be loved. In China, it is very difficult for a divorced woman to re-marry because of chauvinistic cultural attitudes. So they turn to men who don't hold those biases... men outside of China, like me.

Thank you for caring. Come to our wedding, which will most likely be sometime in mid- to late 2011, after she and Lu Yuan have emigrated. And meet this wonderful woman who is going to create a beautiful life with me.

Kevin (U.S.A)

Who Says the Internet Does Not Help Marriage?

Lisa’s Comment: I met Sijing and Damon in a party. The sweet couple and their lovely daughter gave me a deep impression. Later I found that Damon was related to Ernest Rutherford, the Nobel Chemistry Prize Winner in 1908, and that Sijing and Damon met each other through the Internet. Damon once was in US, and Sijing in Beijing . The two fell in love, got married and came back to New Zealand . The story is so romantic. I cannot wait to tell their stories to the readers of NZBM. I know that they are more passionate than others in using Internet. So I asked them three questions. Their answers are presented below:

How did you two met?

Damon: When I first met Sijing, I was working for a satellite network company based in Los Angeles. The company had business in China , so I advertised on the Internet, hoping to meet friends. Sijing responded to my advertisement. After a period of email communication, we started to chat on the Internet using ICQ. Sometimes we talked about five hours a day. At that time her English was poor. So I installed a microphone to my computer. When I was typing, I spoke the words so she could learn the words as I typed them. We kept doing this for six months. When I flew to Beijing to see her, her English was quite good. Now we’ve been married for more than two years and it’s the happiest marriage I could ever hope for. Who says the Internet does not help marriage?

A Happy family

Sijing: I never imagined I would marry a foreigner because I had never met a foreigner before I met Damon. So it seemed impossible for me to get married with a foreigner, just as it is impossible to touch a distant star. Seeing and hearing that someone married a foreigner, I thought the girl must be very beautiful and her English must be fantastic. At that time I believed that it must be very difficult for the couple from different countries living together because of different cultural backgrounds. I believed so until I met Damon. When translated into Chinese, Damon becomes “Da Men (Gate)”. It was this “Da Men” that led me into the hall of happiness. Our Internet marriage experience can only be described using one word: fate! One day I needed search some information on the Internet.

I did not have computer at that particular time, so I went to an Internet Cafe. I did not realize that it was raining until I got the information and stepped out of the Internet Café. I had to get back to the Internet Cafe and started surfing because I did not carry an umbrella. So I found Damon, but at that time I did not realize he was a foreigner and thought it must be a bilingual website belonging to some Chinese.

What do you feel about the international marriage? Do you have any language barrier or culture shock?

Damon: Because of the nature of my job I have to deal with people with different cultural backgrounds. So we did not feel any isolation because of different cultures. By the way I am indulged with Chinese culture and history. So far the most difficult thing was applying for a New Zealand visa for Sijing. We didn’t really have much evidence of falling in love with each other. Our communication was done through Internet. We didn’t even have telephone bills to show our relationship. We did have some email messages. So it took us some time to convince NZIS to grant Sijing a long term Visa for New Zealand . In fact one funny thing was that in one of her email messages Sijing had talked about her “daughter”. The NZIS complained Sijing’s application did not say she had a daughter. In fact we had to explain to NZIS that in that email message Sijing was talking about her cat! Eventually NZIS gave Sijing a one-month visa. We flew from China to New Zealand . One month later we flew back to America where I was working. Sijing smoothly got a US visa, a five-year visa the same as mine. But several months later my work finished in the USA and we decided to come back to New Zealand in December 2002.

Sijing: My feeling to marry Damon is just happy! I have to admit that I am so lucky. We don’t have too many culture shocks. This reminds me of one of my friends. She also married a foreigner. Last year she brought her husband to China . Her parents accompanied the foreign son-in-law to climb Taishan in order to show their good will. The parents could not bear the cruel AA system and nearly ended up being heart broken because the foreign son-in-law did not spend one single cent on them. I often say that Damon is a “ New Zealand born Chinese” because he respects father and mother-in-law just as other Chinese guys. He prepared all the documents and applied for visas for my parents, which I should pay more attention to. My parents wished to watch Chinese TV programs, he instantly installed the antenna which is able to receive programs from more than thirty Chinese TV stations. My parents like to have a vegetable garden. Damon hired equipment to cultivate the land next day. He takes my parent out very often. He says to me that he will take my parents to US and Europe when they get New Zealand passports. He also promises that he will bring my parents to travel in a luxury ship for some days. Damon loves Chinese food. So my parents enjoy staying here. As for looking after wife, Damon is a model husband. I feel like a Queen. I am well looked after in every aspect. In regarding to language, Damon is my teacher. Before we met, he pronounced everything he typed in MSN . My listening ability is improved this way. All my Chinese friends who know Damon keep saying that his pronunciation is clear and easy to understand. Damon always knows what I want to express. This is a reflection of his patience and love to me.

Why did you decide to come back to New Zealand ?

Damon: I was in US at the time of 9.11. It was horrible. My company sold its business after 9.11. I had to choose weather to stay in US or not. USA has many business opportunities and is a easy place to make money. Of course China also has a great potential. New Zealand does not have as many opportunities as China and US do because of its small market, but it provides a better life style. At that time we were expecting we have a child. New Zealand is a ideal place for bring up a child.

Sijing: I was born in a beautiful village of Sichuan Province and lived there until 12 years old. Then I moved to Beijing with my parents. For unknown reason I did not feel having home in Beijing . Returning to my birthplace in Sichuan , I also felt that things changed. I did not feel I have a home until I came to New Zealand with Damon and settled in Christchurch . This is where he was born and grew up, making us feel having a home and feel safe and comfortable. Because of my love with Damon, I feel I love everything here. In fact, New Zealand is like a paradise. I love New Zealand ’s beautiful natural environment, peaceful social atmosphere and friendly peoples.

Editor’s Note: Damon and Sijing are living in a manson of 2000 square meters (building area 500 square meters) located at Sumner. From their home they can view the ocean and the whole of Christchurch . Damon is a Marketing Manager of a local company. He sits at home and operates the business in US, China and Australia using Internet. Sijing is busy too. She works with Damon in his business and she also designed a website and wants to do business in tourism.

Article provided by Billingual Magazine and translated by Winter Snow, NZBM

There are many sweet things between us

Cherry (member number 1576) joined Asian Promise in March, 2005 when she was studing her PHD in Manhattan, Kansas. She was feeling quite down by the unfair treatment from the surroundings. Soon after joining Asian Promise, Cherry met Paul from Michigan. They engaged in June 2005 and married in September 2006. Since the first day they met, Cherry has received lots of love and support from Paul . Paul had not only help Cherry to get out of the hard time, but also help her to stand up on her own feet in new country. Cherry would like to share her sweet love experience with others.

1. A Bunny Story - April, 2007

I had a bunny Peter, he was the 9th bunny I had. I love bunnies but Paul for some reason hates bunnies. He is always saying I will stew Peter, I will shoot Peter. He even wrote Peter's name on a bullet and put it on the table saying he will shoot Peter with that bullet. Well, but one day Peter was killed in the vet by accident. He was having a samll surgery but the doctor gave him too much sleeping gas and he never came back to life. I was crying, holding Peter's toys. Paul got really mad at the vet and he stormed there and yelled at them for "making my wife upset".

I thought Paul should be happy because Peter was gone but he was not, he was mad and his face was so red. All because his wife was upset now. And I decided to donate all Peter's toys to the animal shelter, but when I got in to the truck, I realized Paul was driving to the pet store instead. And he 'forced' me to buy another bunny Cloud, who look even cuter than Peter. I said " I thought you hate bunnies, this one will live at least five years, and you will put up with his shedding for 5 years." He said, " If you are happy, I'm happy, the shine in your eyes when you hold the bunny is very cute."

Well, now Paul still complains about Cloud, but I know he loves him because he loves me. That's one of the many sweet things between us.

2. "Wasted" Money? - April, 2007

Interestingly, I saw a saying in Dawn's book on your website Asian Promise - "Chinese women work hard to save money, they worry about tomorrow rather than enjoying today"... I'm exactly this way and poor Paul is irritated so much by this. Every time he "wasted" money on unnecessary things, including gifts for me, I yelled at him and he doesn't understand at all since we are not in any finacial trouble.

I said: "Why don't you get the word SAVE through you pea brain?" and he said: "I don't want to die rich."

It's funny to think about it. That's just some thing we need to work on.

3. Bold Hair - April, 2007

It is hard to believe I had so much hair in the picture here. I have very little hair left now, just covering my head. And I have two completely bold spots of walnut size. I lost my hair in the latest couple month due to stress or chemical exposure (I'm getting my PHD in chemistry by the end of the year). But you know, I'm not upset about it at all now. Because Paul loves me regardless of my look. He loved my thick black hair when we first met, but when I lost it, his only concern is my health, not my look.

I asked him: "What if I become completely bald?".

He said, "So what, I will polish your head and buy you wigs, so you can have whatever hair style you want"

I was laughing and told him I will buy blond wig and pretend to be a white girl. He said: "Well, that is not good, you won't be as smart as you are now since Asian women are smarter than blonds...". Whether it is true, it's nice to be flattered.

4. Cute Faces - March, 2008

Here is another simple story about me and Paul. When Paul is on business trip, we talk via MSN messenger every night. But the other night, his speaker had problem so we couldn't talk, and my computer was tied up in my work, so I couldn't type. All we could do it to make cute faces to each other via web camera. I stuck out my tongue at him and he streched his cheeks for me, so on and so on. We wasn't able to talk but we were both so happy just looking at each other. We think each other is the cutest thing on the planet. That night, he went to sleep with the light on and the video camera on so I could see him, there was a smile on his pink face... We were both so tired after working whole day, but having each other make we believe every thing is worth it.

More stories coming...

I can tell you this is a much more powerful and consistent way to meet Chinese women

Don is a engineer from IBM. He was one of Asian Promise members - ID 1229, who listed as a member around October 2006. He found his match, lady member 1725 (named Li) soon after he joined Asian Promise. Here Don shares his interesting experience - skeptical attitude at the beginning, good effort to spend on communication and truly confidence in the end with you.

Following a nearly 3 month daily email conversation that began early after my sign up (from her initial note), I visited her in Shenzhen over this past Christmas. The visit was wonderful, we both confirmed our truthfulness, and that we really love each other. We were only briefly nervous, after a couple of hours it was very easy, as if we had known each other for quite some time. I will return to see her during Chinese New Year in a few weeks, and we keep in contact by phone/webcam, text/instant message on a daily basis (and occasional email). Marriage is not far away I think. She is a truly a lovely woman.

Your service did not produce this happy situation, but it positively enabled it, and I feel it simply could not have happened otherwise. I had spent nearly 3 months total on work assignments in Shenzhen prior to signing up with Asian Promise, and I can tell you this is a much more powerful and consistent way to meet Chinese women than by any chance encounter with a (English speaking) woman in China, or by introduction for that matter.

So your caring, excellent work deserves support and compensation. Not everything should be free on the Internet. And that only the woman should pay, who comes from a much more modest economic circumstance than I, seemed not quite fair. Finding my likely lifetime love through your site has no calculation in monetary terms, but I feel better by making the contribution that I have. I am unsure what a fair donation should be, but I am certain in my case it is not less than what I gave so far.

I apologize for the length of this note, but here are a few comments regarding your service, as they apply to my perceptions:

1. I thought no one will be interested in my profile.

After my picture/profile was posted, I thought no woman would ever send me any note, and I had time to consider my "plan". However, I was shocked to see invites come in very soon. Before I had any chance to decide who I wanted to send invites to.

2. Play the field: not.

I read with some amusement the dating tips from your site several weeks after I had signed up and was corresponding with Li on a daily basis. The advice makes sense, I did initially correspond with a few women, but I discovered very soon that it took a major investment in time for me to compose emails and correspond with even one lady, let alone several. My amusement was "where do these guys get the time to really know someone by email--for obstensibly marriage--and play the field with several women?" I actually became anxious over the invites I kept receiving, since I knew I could not possibly keep up with it. It became a worry how to handle these invites.

I spent easily nearly 2 hours to compose email--this was nearly every night--to collect my thoughts, think carefully over my words, to try and make sure I will be understood, etc. It became another job in some respect, one I very much enjoyed, but a real commitment. On top of that, I was taking Mandarin class a few days a week, and there was homework. It became clear to me it was impossible to do that for several women. In the case of Li, she lives in Shenzhen by pure luck, and the start was made somewhat easier because we used that as a common point of conversation, but that very quickly passed and we talked on a very personal basis for nearly the entire time. So I decided to invest the time getting to know her, and if it did not work out, then I would restart the whole thing and try again with someone else. So after maybe two weeks of correspondence, I corresponded solely with her. I asked Li when I visited her how long it took to write the emails, and she also said it took a couple of hours to do each one. (Her English is quite good also.)

I thought I might be overboard on this email, so I asked a colleague of mine (who met his Chinese wife in Shenzhen by introduction), how long he spent on emails to her when they were corresponding when he was back at the states, before they to got married. Same answer, 1-2 hours/email, for the same reasons as me. He told me he actually felt much relief when they switched to phone/web cam from email, since it was so much easier than the pressure of composing emails. But phone/web cam seems to work best only after you know each other for a time.

The few women I did correspond with in the beginning convinced me yours is a special site, that the women are genuine and sincere, and in many cases, extraordinarily talented as well in their professions. Many of these women I could see being friends with, they are truly exceptional, and very nice people overall.

3. I thought Email won't work

This is my first time at Internet dating, which truth be told, I thought was very unlikely to work to meet anyone, and that sharing feelings and emotions over email would not be practical. I thought you need physical presence to develop feelings and intimacy. On these points I was totally wrong. However, after 2-3 months it appeared to both of us we must meet, if only to sort out if we were liars, or instead we are the people we appeared to be over email. It is interesting that on both her side and mine, friends were somewhat skeptical, and cautioned us to "be careful". It turns out I think that is good advice, but that is why I made the trip, to see if this was real or not. So while I was surprised at the depth of the connection one can make with another person over email, a physical reality check is essential to confirm feelings and expectations.

Thanks for listening, and for running such a great site.

Extract from our men's cultural perspectives

I didn’t start my search to find a Chinese lady. I have lived in other parts of Asia and have always enjoyed the beauty of the women. I searched online and found a woman who just happened to be Chinese. I think Chinese ladies have an exotic beauty that makes my heart jump. I think there are many differences between Chinese and American women. Culture, attitudes about family, how to raise children are just some of the many differences. I like the differences. My future wife and I will work hard to overcome all the obstacles. - David

I am attracted to the physical appearance of Chinese women. I like the sound of the Chinese accent when they speak English, as well as the sound of the Mandarin Chinese language. I also like the attitude of many Chinese women nowadays – very curious about the West, and excited about the internationalization currently happening in China . I am also extremely impressed with the highly educated Chinese women I have met. In addition, I have heard that some Chinese women think Western men treat them better than they would be treated in a traditional Chinese marriage – this makes me feel like I have something which will be pleasing to a Chinese wife. - Scott

I chose a Chinese woman because I have had an attraction to Asian women and Asian culture for many years and especially Chinese. Some are attracted to blondes. I find Asian women to be the most beautiful. I like the Chinese theory about “Yin” and “Yang”. They are not different, but not alike. They do not detract from the other and they complement each other and fit together perfectly. My wife makes me a more complete person as I do for her. We become one in spirit, mind and body. - Jay

My first marriage failed. I learned a lesson and decided to develop a new relationship slowly. This is why I chose a long distance relationship. I searched online and found my Chinese wife on Asian Promise. It took us two years to get married.

Many people are surprised by the fact I found someone outside the USA and wonder how I can maintain a relationship with someone so far away. They also don't realize she is as close as my heart and only a computer screen away. We spend three to six hours a day Seeing, Chatting, and Talking - that is more then many couples do when they live together. There are a great number of things I would like to say but don't know how. I just know I am the happiest I have been in many years. I wrote something for her awhile back and placed it on my site, it is an analogy of Love:

LOVE is like a seed, not a seed of a flower, But the seed of a Redwood Tree that lives for centuries, Once the seed is planted it needs to be nurtured so it can get a healthy start in life, If it is not given a healthy start it will wither and die or be stunted and never reach its fullest potential, However if given a good start it will take hold with deep roots and grow stronger each day, During its lifetime it will suffer many hardships as shown by its scars and if it is not too severe it will come back and continue growing until the day it dies, But even then it stands as a monument to what it was, In time it will fade and decay, But even then it will give of itself to help its offspring get their healthy start in life. - Darrell

It is a nice feeling to love and be loved

Roger is from Massachusetts, USA. He met Jing through Asian Promise in February, 2001. They married in October, 2002 in USA. Over one year and half dating, Roger visited Beijing, China, which is Jing's home, three times. Through his visits and his cross-cultural dating, he understands China and Chinese people more and more. Here Roger shares his valuable experience and his appreciation of Asian Promise with you.

   It was a very lonely night for me when I decided to play on the computer and maybe try to meet an Asian girl. I thought it might be nice to find a friend that I could write to and tell my heart to. Getting divorced after being married for 22 years had really taken it's toll on me. The divorce had devastated me. I was feeling so very alone and very sad.
   All I wanted was someone who I could write to, maybe even talk to on the phone sometimes. I had heard that Asian women had a different attitude than American women did. I thought I would find out for myself. I didn't really like being so alone and I did feel so very alone.
   Somehow I found Asian Promise (www.asianpromise.com) and began looking at the different profiles Asian women had posted. There were many women to look at and so I wrote a letter (e-mail) and sent it to several of them. It was the same letter to each. I wondered who if anyone would answer to such a lonely and depressed man. I was 50 years old now and in debt. I was feeling so lost in life. Yet still I sent the letters.
   By the grace of God I received this e-mail from a girl named 'Vanessa.' Her name sure didn't sound Asian to me, but her profile said she was Chinese and her photo looked as if she was Chinese. But a Chinese girl? From communist Red China? It felt a little bit scary to contact someone from Red China That's what I had been taught to call the country of China.
   We began writing to each other quite a bit. I had so much hurt in my heart that to be able to release it to this girl who was so far away from me was truly a blessing. The many miles between us was more than enough to let me feel safe and secure. At that time I couldn't trust any woman. I just wanted a friend. It seemed to me that I had found one with this Chinese woman whose real name I found out was Xujing. Now that name sounded Asian to me.
   For many years it had been a dream of mine to go to the great wall of China. I never imagined that such a dream could come true for me. It was so far away and it would cost so much money to go to see it. Of course after a while I did ask Xujing if she had ever seen the Great wall of China. To my surprise she told me of course she had, it was right there in Beijing. I thought she was so lucky. I dreamed of going to China to see the Great Wall myself.
   A few weeks later Xujing invited me to visit China. She even said she would bring me to the Great Wall. She told me she would take good care of me, that she could do many things for me if I came to meet her. But to be honest, my desire to go to China was not to meet Xujing. All I thought about was going to see the Great Wall. I had no desire for a girlfriend or any relationship more than just as a friend. I didn't want to lead my Chinese friend on nor did I want to try to take advantage of her. I was very honest in all of my communications to Xujing. I love adventure. I love romance too, but I wasn't ready for any more romance in my life. I'd settle for some adventure though. There were a million reasons not to go to China and only one reason to go - to see the Great Wall. I could not afford the time and I had no money. But I still wanted to go. I searched online and began the process of finding out more about travelling to this foreign exotic land of mystery. But I was scared about it. I mean, I was going to communist China to see a girl who I only knew from the computer. I had heard so many bad stories about these relationships and meetings through the computer. I found out was that to stay with a Chinese family in Beijing, I would need to get a special license/permit from the Beijing police. OK, no problem. I was going to Beijing to see the Great Wall. I was just going to see a friend, that's all. A friend who was going to bring me to the Great Wall.

As I traveled for 17 hours on the plane, I got to know the flight attendants. I like to talk. They thought it was quite exciting about what I was doing. They told me that they had seen many people travel as I was to meet someone they had met on the computer. As long as both of the people had been totally honest with each other, they said, there was a good chance that things would go good. The flight attendants wished me luck and gave me a new full bottle of American wine for me to share with my new Chinese friends. They were all so nice to me and I enjoyed the flight very much even though it took so long. My adventure to China had really begun in earnest.
Excited and ready for the best, hopefully, I arrived in Beijing. Somehow above all the noise from an International airport, I heard the small sound of Xujing's voice calling my name. There she was, for real. She was a woman too thankfully. She had not lied to me yet! She even looked cuter than her photo and she was all smiles. Her English was good enough for me too. Against my protests, she took me to her mother's home where she said I would stay for the week. I told her about the police license I thought I needed and that I would just stay in a hotel. But she laughed and told me it was no problem. She said that it was OK, things were not like that in Beijing now.

   Never do I remember being so welcomed anywhere as I was at her Mom's home. Her family made me feel so welcome, so special and wanted. I cannot even begin to explain how nice these people were to me. Just thinking about it now as I write this makes my heart feel so warm and grateful for now having such close friends and family. They shared all they had and gave their love so freely and truly, so completely. My God had blessed me so much bringing me to Beijing.
   Xujing brought me to many places to see many things. I did go to the Great Wall of China. The Chinese say you are not a hero unless you reach the top of the Great wall. My dream had come true, I did climb and reach the top. Xujing made my dream come true for me. It was she who made my visit to China so great. She was the nicest of everyone there. For the entire nine days I was there, she took very good care of me. She brought me to see the Forbidden, the Emperors Summer Palace, the Temple of Heaven and the Lama Temple. I met her family and her friends who all made me feel more than welcome in their homes. They all even gave me presents. So many presents. It is the Chinese way I was told. I was so glad I had that bottle of wine. I have never experienced such a wonderful place before in my life. Mostly it was the Chinese people that I met who made my stay in Beijing so wonderful. But it was Xujing who was the best to me. She was amazing.
   Just before I was to leave China and head on home, Xujing told me that she had fallen in love with me. Oh boy......... oh boy, I had to get back home real quick I thought. I hadn't planned on this. I didn't know what to say or do except that I should hurry up and get back to the good old USA. That is just what I did too. I remember how good I felt then to get back to the USA.
   I spent the next few months working hard trying to pay for my trip, but I found myself calling Xujing everyday more and more. I couldn't get her out of my thoughts. When I found myself driving down the highway with her photo on my dashboard, I started asking myself what the heck was I doing? I wasn't ready for a girlfriend. Especially one who was so far away, one who was on the other side of the world even. But I had never known a woman like her before. No one could be so unselfish. After all, I am an American. I am use to selfish people. I am selfish myself. But she wasn't. It couldn't be true. No one was really like her. No one could truly be that way. My mind was playing tricks on me. It had to be.
   That is when I decided maybe I should go back to China again to see for sure. Yes, again. Again she was just awesome. Her family was awesome. Her friends were awesome. Everything about her was awesome.
   She took me on a trip to Phuket Island in Thailand for five days. I got to swim in the Indian Ocean! How cool is that? We laughed so much and had so much fun together. I felt so at ease with her. I soon realized I had fallen in love with her too. How could I not fall in love with such a wonderful Chinese woman as she is? My God has truly blessed me. How grateful I am to Asian Promise for introducing me to Xujing.
   We had a wonderful small wedding that my entire family here in America were very happy about. They are all very accepting of Xujing and all of them like her very much. Everyone treats her with the most respect and kindness as she treats me and them.
   As hard as it is for me to believe, I am now a happy man. To think of all the troubles I have gone through in my life and to now be able to start a new life with such a great wife is truly a blessing for me and my family. I praise God, My Lord Jesus Christ for all the blessings He has rained down onto me.
   Recently we found out that Xujing is now pregnant too. Wow, I am 51 years old and I am going to have a new baby. God is so great to me. I'm going to be a Daddy again. Life is wonderful. I am happy. Of course life will bring problems to us in America as in any country, but I think together we will rise above any troubles and hopefully live happily ever after. Why can't life be like a fairy tale? So far, life is good. I smile a lot now with Xujing. It is a nice feeling to love and be loved.

Cultural Sparkles with Dick

Dawn emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. Then she moved to Hong Kong from N.Z. in 1997. She has experienced a tremendous change in her life. Here she not only shares her personal experience between East and West with you, but also remembers her beloved husband Dick...

I emigrated to New Zealand from Beijing, China in 1991. It was like a dream became true after an unbelievable effort to make it. It was not difficult to imagine how happy I was.

However soon I fell to the bottom of the world following my physically moving down to New Zealand. I suffered from homesickness, culture shock and disappointment. I felt very depressed. The worst part of all was my confusion. I did not know whether I had chosen the right life path after an enormous effort to leave China. I did not know where would be my future. I did not know how I could bring a good life to my daughter who was only 3 years old and was still in China.

After one year of struggle in New Zealand, I decided to go back to China. Three weeks before leaving New Zealand, I met Dick. Dick was a New Zealander. By the time I met him, he was having a difficult time in his own marketing business because of the bad economy in New Zealand. Meeting Dick was a turning point in my life. Dick made me to change my mind and started a new long march in a new country.

It was not easy at all, it was full of difficulties, struggles, stress..., but with love between Dick and me, We did it. We created a happy life for both of us. We got married in Feb, 1997, only one week before we moved to Hong Kong. Dick had wanted to go to Asia for a long time. He was amazed by Chinese history and he liked Chinese people. He wanted to work in Asia and contribute his intelligence there. It was a new challenge to us. However we were not afraid of it because we were together.

Things happened beyond of our thought. Dick was sick soon after we moved to Hong Kong. He died in August 1997, six months after we moved to Hong Kong. It was a big and sudden loss to my daughter and myself. I fell to the bottom of my life again. However with Dick's spirit, I did not give up this time. I stood up on my own feet and followed Dick's dream to start a new life in Hong Kong.

Love is powerful and love is patient. With love, everything became possible. Without Dick's love, I would not have today's success . To remember Dick and his love, I wrote "Cultural Sparkles" and would like you to share our love between the East and West.

Dinning Out with Friends at the Weekend

Once I went to a clinic to help a Chinese couple, who just immigrated to New Zealand, to communicate with doctors in hospital (I was a healthcare interpreter) . After the interview, the Chinese couple invited me to have dinner with them on the coming weekend. As I was Chinese myself, I understood it was a Chinese custom to say thanks. I accept it as I wanted to make friends from my own country and wanted to have a chance to speak my mother tongue.

Back then my daughter and I had been living with Dick for sometime. We always spent time together at the weekend. Dick loved it. The weekend had become a family time to us. When I told Dick that I had an invitation from a Chinese couple, Dick was very happy and thought he was also invited automatically.

After I told him only myself had been invited, he way very upset. I explained to him it was a Chinese way to say thanks and the dinner would be paid by them. If he came along as well, it meant that they had to pay money for him as well. The money was always tight for the new migrants from China. Dick said: "Money is not a problem, we can pay for our dinner ourselves. I want to meet them too. I want to be with you because it is a family day."

Well, Dick was right. We could pay for dinner ourselves. However it is not Chinese culture to share the cost. It is embarrassing to split the money in public to Chinese. It was also not so important to spend time with your partner or children at the weekend. I was in a cultural dilemma.

After a long time of thought, I called the Chinese couple and carefully expressed my husband's wish on the telephone. I thought that they would understand me and accept it. To my surprise, they rejected. The dinner was cancelled. I forgot the fact that they had just came to the West and would take time to accept the Western ways.

Sandra's Holiday in New Zealand

Sandra had been away from home since she moved to England, after marrying her British husband. One day, Dick told me that Sandra and her husband were coming to visit him. It was big news to me because Dick had not seen his daughter for 11 years and I hadn't met Sandra before!

I was very excited and nervous. I said to Dick that I could stay away from home some time so that he could spent some time with his daughter alone. Dick did not pay much attention on what I said. Then he even got angry when I suggested that I could sleep in my mother's house so that we could make our own bedroom available for Sandra and her husband. After raising all the kind thoughts I could think about, Dick made a very clear statement: "I want you to be with me as much as usual. Sandra and her husband can sleep in our living room if they do not want to stay in the motel."

I was upset by Dick's decision and was worried by Sandra's response to them later. To my surprise, things turned up very well and my worries were totally irrelevant. We had a very good time together. Sandra and her husband felt very much at home when they were with us because they were in very warm family surroundings. Sandra was also very happy to see her Dad enjoying his life more than ever. On the last day of Sandra's holiday, Sandra and her husband took our whole family out for dinner to thank us for our hospitality. We all enjoyed our time together.

From this experience, I learnt that there was a very different way to show your hospitality. In China, you try to offer guests more than you could realistically do. In the end, often the guests and hosts both get too exhausted to enjoy their time together. However in the West, you do what you are happy to do and not to let guests feel guilty by seeing the trouble and inconvenience caused by them. The most important thing is - if they love/like you, they want to see your happiness, not to see you in trouble.

The Attitude to Sickness

It is coming soon.

Filipino Women Working in Hong Kong

Scott P. Merry is an American. He came to Hong Kong to work in 1998. He is working in shipping business. Currently he is working in internet startup doing business to business e-commerce for the shipping industry worldwide. Scott is not only enjoy working in H.K., but also...

Most Filipinos are very passionate and open. They laugh readily and smile very often. They love to have fun, to eat, to tell jokes, to sing and dance, to always think of the positive things in life. It’s so nice to hear your partner singing while doing something around the house. These are really fun people to be with!

You will see many Filipinos describe themselves in their profiles as "simple, loving, optimistic and understanding". This is not a coincidence, an exaggeration, or wishful thinking. It is in fact the most accurate description of their personality. Filipinos will put up with what Western men would regard as a large amount of bad behavior by their partner, solely to maintain a stable relationship.

This doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings, or that they’re not unhappy. It’s just that they don’t complain too much, believing it better not to make more trouble.

If you are sensitive, loving and kind to your partner, you will be rewarded with a love so strong and so deep it is not possible to properly describe it with words. I sincerely hope you will experience this love with one of the women on this site. Good luck!

What a lucky man had to say who is married to a Chinese Lady...

Richard J. Kaser is a typical British guy. He came to Hong Kong for adventure in 1997. He is a geologist. Currently he is working for a consulting engineering firm carrying out projects for the Hong Kong Government. Richard met a Mainland Chinese girl in H.K. and married to her in 1999. Here Richard would like others to share his happiness...

I would like to tell you a little about my own personal experience of marrying an Asian lady, in the hope that you will continue to seek and find that special bond that can only come from a cross cultural relationship.

As an Englishman I had very little contact with Asian women or their cultures before I moved to Hong Kong. I saw Chinese women in take away food restaurants, but hadn't spoken to any and I don't think I would have even recognised a Filipino. In fact I was pretty ignorant about Asia in general. I arrived in Hong Kong in 1997 to experience the handover to China and ended up staying.

At first I didn't find Chinese ladies very attractive. Filipino women were more friendly, Westernised and easy to get on with. Many of my colleagues found Filipino girlfriends and many are now married to them. They are warm, loving and devoted to their men. Those who are married are certainly happy with their choice. I would certainly recommend a Filipino wife if you are less experienced in relationships and just want to be happy and have someone to love, to love you back and give you beautiful children.

After a while I became more adjusted to the Chinese look. Apparently it is quite common that it takes some months to adjust. I now found I was looking at beauty quite unparalleled in the typical Caucasian. Chinese women's bodies are slim, their skin is silky smooth, often hairless, and their bodies have beautiful curves. I also found out that looks and characteristics varied dramatically across China. My own personal view is that the ladies from northern China tend to be more beautiful than those from the south.

I met my wife here in Hong Kong and was immediately bowled over by her. Not only was she very good looking but she had such an attractive personality. Like many single women in this website, she was degree qualified (a medical doctor no less), had been married before and had a child. For me, the child was an added bonus, and for her she was just interested to find a man who would look after her and her child and respect her for her personality and not just her looks. She found these qualities existed in men with a Western outlook but were rare in men she had met in China, who, in her experience, tend not to be interested in ladies who have been married before and place a huge importance on looks.

We were quickly married and have a very handsome son now as well. But it almost didn't happen because of cultural misunderstanding.

Chinese women take things slowly until they are sure. I thought it meant she wasn't very interested. I shared with her some of my worries over a cross cultural marriage and whether I was the right person for her and her child. She thought I was backing off. It was only after a chat to a close friend experienced in these cultural differences that things got going again.

I could write more about the happy life I now enjoy, but better still why not experience it yourself? I know many of the women in this website would make excellent partners. So why not give it a try? Get some email addresses off this website, start writing and don't give up. It could be the best move you ever made. It was for me.

A dozen reasons to marry an Chinese girl:

Because they will love and support you with all their heart
Because their skin is silky smooth
Because they are passionate
Because they have such charm
Because they always look younger than you thought
Because they are enchanted by the West
Because their language is like poetry
Because they make a great home
Because your children will be so beautiful
Because their families will love you
Because they are so interested in you
Because they want YOU!

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