6、新西兰先驱报(中文)的采访 - 2007年7月17日 

5、Interviewed by New Zealand Herald - 29 June, 2007

4、Interviewed by "City Weekend" - 6 September, 2006

3、“国际华人出版社”的采访 - 2005年8月19日

2、“天津每日新报”的采访 - 2004年4月19日

1、“主流”杂志的采访 - 2002年11月

李晓燕的异国婚恋和由此引发的故事

2007年7月17日接受“新西兰先驱报(中文)”记者的采访

在丈夫的帮助下，晓燕于2000年建立了“中诚国际婚姻交友”网站 www.asianpromise.com，为那些难以在中国寻觅到爱情的中年女性提供一个更广阔的交友空间。晓燕的工作显然做得挺成功，据不完全统计，这个网站自成立以来，已经帮助数百对国际情侣相识、相恋和成婚。晓燕说，这些情侣中，女性多数是有过婚姻经历的来自中国的女性。

跨国婚姻听起来浪漫，但是两人在真正建立起家庭后，象一国婚姻一样，双方会因为一些不同而引起一些矛盾和摩擦。为了帮助中国人建立和维系同伴侣们幸福健康的婚姻生活，改变一些中国传统守旧的婚恋观，曾经做过翻译和编辑的晓燕在这方面做了许多研究，她根据自身的经验和工作中遇到的种种经历先后写了两本中文书，第一本是2005年5月由香港“天地图书公司”出版的《连上爱情线》，该书的简体版《在网上找到真爱》2006年2月由“中国青年出版社”出版。晓燕的第二本书《“爱”从自己做起 - 文明婚姻 永久爱情》由“中国妇女出版社”于今年5月出版。另外，晓燕于2006年11月还出版了一本用英语写作的介绍如何处理跨国婚恋的书“Chinese Women in Love and Marriage － A Guide to Happiness in Cross-Cultural Relationships”(美国出版)。晓燕这些有关婚恋的系列书籍受到不少读者的欢迎和好评。

不久前，我去晓燕家对李晓燕夫妻做了一次采访。我有些冒昧地问晓燕的先生Richard为什么不介意娶一个有过两次婚史并且已有一个孩子的华人女性为妻？ Richard诚恳地说，有过婚史的人在处理家庭事务和婚姻关系上更有经验，而且会对再次建立起来的家庭和伴侣关系更加珍惜和用心，这是一个优势呵。他还开玩笑地说，一结婚就有了自己的孩子，而且你一次尿片都没有给孩子换过，言外之意这岂不是个“便宜事”？　

我又冒昧地问Richard, 为何很多西方男人娶的亚裔女性看起来并不怎么漂亮，是这些西方男人缺乏审美观吗？

Richard说当然不是。他说，东方女性更有家庭观念，更使得男人觉得自己像个男人，而西方女性太独立了，他们能做男人做的一切。相比较而言，东方女性更能够满足男人内心深处作为男人特有的自尊。

谈到女性的外貌，Richard说，爱情和婚姻不是浅薄的表明上的显耀，而是需要要用一种长久的、深刻的来自内心的情感来维系。所以，同漂亮的外貌相比，一个人的人格和性情更为重要。接着他还幽默地说了一句类似中国的“情人眼里出西施”的英文谚语 -“Beauty is in the beholders”。　

通过晓燕的“Asian promise(中诚)”网站撮合成功的伴侣中自然也有新西兰人。Michael先生去年底通过该网站认识了苏州的华人女性Amie ，今年三月他飞到苏州同Amie见面，相互非常满意， Michael准备八月份带着自己的三个孩子去到苏州同Amie举行婚礼，然后一起返回新西兰开始新的生活。采访Michael 的时候，他对我说，他同Amie每天最少互通两次电子邮件。他认为通过网上写信交流是了解对方内心世界的好方法。

晓燕的三本书目前在新西兰奥克兰Dominion路 531号中国书店有售，另外她的《在网上找到真爱》在奥克兰许多图书馆都能借到。

记者：毛芃　　 　

Don't let the cultural difference hold you back

Born in Beijing, once divorced and once widowed and with an 8-year-old daughter from the first marriage, Dawn Xiao Yan Li found her happiness in her third marriage after marrying Richard Kaser, an British/Kiwi engineer. Believing that love is not constrained by national borders through her own experience, Dawn  now runs the international dating website company "Asian Promise"  from  her Auckland home  which helps  her fellow women, most of  whom are divorced ladies  with a child who have difficulties to  find love and marry again in China  because of Chinese tradition, to find true love and quality marriage in the western countries.

The Internet has made Dawn's  dream come true. With technical support from her husband, the  "Asian Promise"  website (www.asianpromise.com) has   helped  hundreds of people throughout the world  find love and marriage over the past 6 years.

Knowing  it  is not  good enough just to provide a way for people to meet, particularly for  a cross-cultural relationship (CCR), Dawn wrote   two Chinese language books and one English language book.The English book was published in 2006 providing advice and knowledge   for Westerners  who are interested in  Chinese women or  who are already  in a CCR .

In her English book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage–a Guide to Happiness in Cross-Cultural Relationships  ", Dawn demonstrates  the  most effective ways  to develop a healthy and happy cross-cultural relationship with stories based on her  work and life experience .      

"The biggest challenge  in a CCR is not the difference in culture, but the ability to deal with the difference. " Dawn says when being interviewed by Herald on Sunday.

"You have to give up something you have been used to and   be willing  to make changes yourself  as well as your partner."

Dawn's husband Richard Kaser agrees with his wife 's view.  He adds: "Knowing the cultur al  differences  between you and your partner is important and you should be ready to make a compromise and to develop a multi-cultur al  relationship  culture. Otherwise, you 'd  be  better off  marry ing  people from your own culture.  In fact, the attitude required is not that different to that needed to address the issue of difference  between women and man."      

Dawn gives an example by telling a true story. Not long after a  Chinese lady married an American through   Dawn's help ,  conflicts appeared. The Chinese lady wished  to save money   as much as possible while the husband liked  to spend money with credit cards   without worring about the interest charges. One day, the Chinese lady began to complain when her husband was enjoying a football match on TV. Seeing no response from  her man,  she grabbed the bottle of beer out of her husband 's hand.  Inevitably, a fight erupted between the couple.

Another example shows that a Chinese lady could not tolerate the untidiness of her husband 's workshop and cleaned it thoroughly when he was away. Unsurprisingly, her efforts did not win appreciation from her husband but just the   opposite instead.

The different political  influence  between the West and China saw one loving couple separated because of their different attitudes towards the Iraq war.

In terms of attitudes to education, which is a big challenge in CCR, it is a  Chinese tradition that children' s academic study is above anything else. But in New Zealand, children's happiness is more important than education and career. Dawn acknowledges  that she and Richard  "have adjusted to each other 's culture  well except when it comes to the education of our children.  "We are still working on it." 

So "do not judge your partner based on your own background experience and knowledge. You just have to be a bit more  patient and  open-minded and make a real effort to understand  and compromise with each other." Richard summaries. 

"And don't let the cultural difference hold you back. Actually, it does not affect a couple's relationship as much as the gender difference. The most important point is that your relationship is founded on true love and with love, many differences and difficulties can be overcome ." Dawn adds.   

Notes: Dawn's book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage - A Guide to Happiness in Cross-Cutural Relationships" is available in downloadable e-book format at www.asianpromise.com, or in hard copy from Amazon.com.

Interviewed by Portia

Dawn Xiao Yan Li, the author of book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage"

Interviewed by "City Weekend", the largest privately owned English language magazine in China

1. Could you tell us a little bit about your history in relationships and how it influenced your writing of this book?

It is a long story. I have my personal story on the Asian Promise website, but it is in Chinese. I wouldn’t mind to tell you it in detail for your another article one day. Herewith is an only brief summary:

My first husband was Chinese. He came to New Zealand from Beijing China on a student visa in 1989 and I joined him in 1991 after two years separation (we couldn’t came to NZ together because of visa and money issues). I left him two year after I came to NZ. Our different attitudes toward the new challenge in a new country were the main reason for our divorce. I had a very hard time during the divorce (under huge pressure from Chinese tradition).

I met my second husband in 1992. He was a New Zealander and also my NZ business partner. We didn’t get married until 1997 just before we moved to Hong Kong for life adventure. We moved to HK in Feb. 1997 and he became sick in May, and died from cancer in Aug. - 5 months after we arrived in HK. It was a hard time for me as it happened all so suddenly. I didn’t have close friends or family members in HK. However my daughter Simone (she was 8 years old then) and I received a strong support from people around - my Irish boss, local HK colleagues, my American Chinese roommate and my company (a international medical publisher). It was from this support I first felt deeply that “LOVE” was without borders.

In my 2^nd marriage, my husband and I had both spent lots of effort to make our relationship work because of the differences between us. From it, I learnt that with love, everything is possible as long as we have similar expectations and values. From it, I also learnt more and more Western culture. The more I understood the Western culture, the more I liked it, which formed a foundation for my 3^rd marriage – my current marriage.

I met Richard who was from England one year after my 2^nd husband died in HK. We have now been happily married for 7 years and it has been the happiest time of my life! We had our second child Leo in 1999. Because of our love, we have developed Asian Promise and I have written 3 books that are all about love and marriage. (The first two are Chinese language books and the most recent one is “Chinese Women in Love and Marriage” in English)

From my personal life, I have gained a strong belief in “LOVE (in general)”, and I believe “LOVE” and “love (in relationships)” is not constrained by nationality. I want to use my belief and happiness to help others find love and enjoy love as much as I do.

2. How does your husband feel about the book?

Richard has written his review at webpage: http://www.asianpromise.com/chinese-women-in-love-and-marriage.htm

Richard has given me lots of support on my work and books. I have to say that without his support and love, I could not have developed Asian Promise or written my books. I have expressed it sincerely in my “afterword” of my book.

3. How did you go about researching this book? Did you interview Chinese women and foreigners, and those in cross-cultural relationships or is it mainly based on personal experience? Where did you contact couples to get information? How did you contact them? Did the majority of them meet online, or in person?

1.          From my daily correspondence with my customers by emails and telephone calls over the last 6 years..

2.          From my annual workshops in China (meeting and lecturing Chinese ladies who want to find love and marriage) since year 2000.

3.          From true stories from my customers, my friends and myself.

4.          From two email surveys, one for Chinese women in 2003 and one for Western men in 2004 (more than 100 people involved). I sent two set of questions to women and men to ask them about their thoughts on Internet dating, their choice, their attitudes to cross-cultural relationships (CCR).

5.          Most of the true stories I used in the book are from people who met online.

4. You seem to have generally had positive feedback from the men who have used your book. Have you ever had negative feedback? If so, from whom and what were your feelings about that.

I haven’t received any negative feedback since it was published as an e-book in June this year (2006). However I do receive feedback from men who ask me more questions that I haven’t covered in my book after they read my book. If I need to improve the book, I would like to add one more chapter on FAQ later. I am not doing this now because I am waiting for more questions from men.

5. What does the average Chinese woman think of your book? Do you plan to publish it also in Chinese?

It is written for Westerners and it is in English. So far only two Chinese ladies who have good English read it. They all like it very much. I have published one lady’s feedback on my site along with the men’s feedback (see: http://www.asianpromise.com/chinese-women-in-love-and-marriage.htm). I am not going to publish it in Chinese because I have written a Chinese language book, which has a different focus based on different concerns, strength and weakness but with the same goal, for Chinese already. Please see this at: http://www.asianpromise.com/Connecting-You-to-Love.htm.    

6. You go through advice for men on how to appear honest and genuine online - how many men do you think are simply playing around with women's hearts online? What do you think of these men? How do women avoid them?

There are, but not many from long distance dating sites and serious (for love and marriage only) or paid dating sites – it isn’t worth it and is not necessary. From our Asian Promise experience, less than 10% of men are playing games. I believe games happen much more in local dating sites, free dating sites and multi-purpose dating sites. I understand people can date for different reasons. However it would be unfair for men to play games with ladies who are seriously looking for true love and marriage. I am glad to see most Western men are open with their dating intentions from our Asian Promise experience.

Although there are men who just play games online and they don’t tell the truth, it is easy to find out if you follow the advices that are now given by many dating websites (I have written advice for women and men in my books as well).

The most important thing for people to avoid being cheated is to learn and grow. There are risks everywhere, including dating online and offline, in CCR and non-CCR. Love is a risk itself. Whether you can avoid them is nothing to do with how do you meet or what kind of relationship you have, it depends on the people who are in the situation. No one can avoid risks, but one can learn to reduce the risks.

7. What about the dangers of meeting and dating online - for both sides (men can be scammed, so can women)?

Honestly speaking, it is safer to date online than offline. You can have a good communication before you meet, of which people focus on more soul connection than physical attraction. More than 70% of our customers married after they met in person after date online. Having a good communication before meeting is the advantage of meeting online, which is a key to relationship success.

The only down side I can think of is that the Internet is in unreal setting that could make it easier for people who want to trick people. Therefore, Internet dating may not be a good way to meet, for love and marriage, for people who have less life experience or who are not sensible and not realistic. Again, it depends on the person. If the person is not mature and sensible, he/she could be in danger in whatever way to meet.

8. Cross cultural relationships are very tricky, even when two people fall in love in person. How do you think the internet makes this easier/harder?

Please refer it to chapter 4 of the book.

9. Do you ever get any queries about foreign women seeking Chinese men? Why or why not do you think?

It is a good question. The answer is no. May be my service hasn’t targeted this market, or there may be not a market there. I am not sure about the exact reason and I want to find out too. I do have queries from Chinese men who want to find Western women. I am a Chinese lady, so my expertise and interest really is to help Chinese women. For a business, I have to think what I am good at, not just what I like to do.

10. Do you ever get accused of stereotyping Chinese women? What have your responses been to these types of accusations? 

No. There are common views and attitudes towards love and marriage stemming from Chinese history and upbringing. However in my book I have emphasized that most of Chinese women today are open-minded, willing to learn new things and that “culture” is actually practiced by each person individually. In the end, it will be entirely up to the two of you to work through. I have tried not to express any generalizations about Chinese women myself, but I do quote what men say about Chinese women in my book (please refer to chapter 2).

11. How do you feel about marketing a "race" of women, in terms of them being seen as a commodity?

That is not my interest at all. I think it is old fashioned and it has become history.

I know that your book is in no way related to mail-order brides, but why do you think that Chinese women are so appealing that an entire book can be written about them as ideal brides?  

I can write an entire book about Chinese women not because they are ideal brides (an ideal bride has nothing to do with her race, it depends on individual need), but because I know them very well. I would like to write and help other foreign women if I knew them as well as Chinese women. I believe women from different backgrounds and countries have their unique attraction. Unfortunately I don’t know women from other nations well enough to tell. I am a Chinese lady, so I am able to paint the full picture of Chinese women today to people who don’t know them well.

What makes Chinese women different from Western women?  

Please refer to chapter 2 of the book.  

12. Do you think it is a different type of man that is attracted to a Chinese woman? In that, I mean, are the men more gentle/caring/adventurous/ambitious? Why would a man choose a Chinese bride over a foreign bride?  

People choose Chinese brides for different reasons. Please refer to my book chapter 2. 

13. You are coming to China in November - what are your plans while you're here? Will you be promoting the book to the foreign community across China ? 

Absolutely not. I do my usual annual workshop (this is in my Author profile of the book) in China to meet and lecture Chinese women who want to find true love. I have done this since year 2000 when Asian Promise started.

I just completed the book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage" last month. Before I wrote the book "Chinese Women in Love and Marriage", I have completed two Chinese languages books already (they are in author profile too). One of them is to help Chinese to find true love (you can see the details of the book at: http://www.asianpromise.com/Connecting-You-to-Love.htm), which has been published in Hong Kong and the mainland of China in 2005 and 2006.

My goal and work is to help Chinese women to find love and marriage internationally, while my guide to Westerners and the issue of cross-cultural relationships has just, by chance, come to cross my goal.

14. Will you be holding any workshops etc.? What will these teach participants? Have you held these workshops before? 

Please see my answer in question 13. 

15. Have you heard recently about Ms. Gong Haiyan and her online dating services and how she planned to bring foreign men to China for a week to meet Chinese women but then the government stopped it and refused to allow her to arrange such activities? Why do you think the government is afraid of this type of thing?  

I haven't heard of her plan (thank you for the information), but I do know her website. I know the Chinese government is always cautious about CCR. I understand it because there have been bad and sad stories about CCR before and now. Besides, there are so many match making agents that are doing things for money not for customers’ benefits in China , they have planted the bad seeds for their customers’ future. I think the Chinese government wants to avoid the bad stories happening by controlling those agents’ practice. The US has introduced very strict laws governing CCR agents/sites too in March (IMBRA).

However I think the ultimate solution for government is to educate people to have a good attitude about love and marriage and introduce them the real Western thoughts about love and marriage, which will leave no chance for those agents to make dishonest money from people. “To give the sword to people” is the most effective way to help people and to stop someone using people’s ignorance to make money. No one can stop people to find true love, but Chinese people do need to be taught how to find it. Good education on love and marriage is still very poor in China compared to the Western world. This is the ultimate reason behind most of the sad stories, not only in CCR, but also in local relationships and marriages. 

Offering more opportunities for people to meet for love and marriage is not good enough, teaching them the right way to approach is even more important. This is the aim of my books and Asian Promise.     

16. Have you ever experienced any negativity from the Chinese authorities?

I had difficulties to get my first Chinese language book (Connecting you to love/Finding true love online) published in mainland China at the beginning. I had contacted several editors in different government publishers in China and I was rejected for different reasons. I knew it was mainly the topic. The publishers were not sure about it. This led me to firstly publish my book in Hong Kong by Cosmos Books. Ironically I wrote it out of demand by Chinese from mainland China .  

However the core of my book is teaching Chinese to find true love and introducing to people Western thoughts above love and marriage (there are many myths on this issue). I use the Internet as a way to get it into the market. The entire contents of the book are positive. After all, I am not promoting Internet dating and CCR. So it got published by the Chinese Youth Press, a big government publisher in Beijing , as soon as I contacted them. It was published 8 months after its publication in HK. I am very pleased. The Chinese government does help and support their people to learn and grow.

In general speaking, Asian Promise and my books are doing fine in China . More and more people know Asian Promise and my books, and the Asian Promise website has been listed in all the major Chinese search engines. Asian Promise is a serious dating site and it helps Chinese women to find love and marriage internationally. Although we can not promote our service in Chinese newspapers or through the media under government policy (we would need to have special permission for which we haven’t applied), we don’t have any trouble to do our business on Internet.    

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In addition, I would like to emphasize that Asian Promise and I are not working to promote CCR, we are helping Chinese women to find love internationally. People have many different reasons to choose CCR (the reasons for Chinese women to choose Western men and vice versa are in my book chapter 2. As the world becomes more and more international and more and more people use the Internet, there will be more and more CCR without any doubt.

To help people who are in CCR is result of my belief and part of my goals. I want to tell people, who choose CCR, that CCR works! As I said in my book “Afterword”:

“For a cross-cultural relationship, the difference is not the issue; rather it is the attitude to the difference which is the issue. If you are a person who likes difference and challenge, then a cross-cultural relationship is a Godsend. However, the heart of the issue is “LOVE”. With love, everything is possible! ” 

Interviewed by Laura Hutchison

我做的事情虽非成名之举，然是成人之美

从“中诚”诞生的第一天起，我便辞去收入不菲的工作，专职从事婚恋咨询。为了帮助人们找到真爱，仅仅提供交友的机会是不够的，还需要讲解交友的方法。为了帮助人们树立正确的婚恋观，我们在网上开设了“网上谈心”、“成功案例”、“经验交流”、“与您分享”等栏目。此外，我每年回大陆与网友见面座谈，举办“恋爱交友讲座”，先后到过北京、深圳、上海、天津、南宁、香港等地，受到热烈欢迎。2005年5月，我将五年来在工作中积累的成功经验，结合国外有价值的文献，汇编成书 -《连上爱情线》**，书中用大量的真实故事和自己的生活感悟，启迪人们树立正确的爱情观和爱的信念，同时也提供网上交友的技巧。目前我又在写第二本暂名为《文明婚姻 永久爱情》的书，希望在帮助人们找到爱情的同时，也能让人们用先进的婚恋观获得长久的爱情和婚姻，此书2005年底就可与读者见面。 

我和丈夫的爱情和幸福，孕育和发展了“中诚”。它成立五年多来，已有新老中西会员数千名，为百余位会员找到了爱的归宿，现它已成为著名的国际婚姻交友网站。 我们一家人于2003年从香港回到新西兰定居，十几年的海外生活让我深深感到：所谓东、西方文化上的差别，很多时候其实是先进与落后的区

别。用自己在海外多年工作和生活的经验，将西方先进的婚恋观及思想介绍给中国人，让更多的人找到爱情和幸福，是我现在和今后追求的目标。另外，我要感谢中国的改革开放、感谢西方先进思想观念的影响、感谢人间的爱及我丈夫的支持。是这些“爱”让我有了为“爱”工作的能力和动力!如果我的身心没有“爱”的滋润和支持，我就不可能从事今天“成人之美”的事业!  

记者：王小红

*现已改名为“中诚国际婚姻交友”

**为繁体版，由“香港天地图书公司”出版。简体版名为“在网上找到真爱”，已于2006年2月由“中国青年出版社”出版

注：此采访内容已收录于由“香港国际华人出版社”2006年出版的“炎黄子孙 - 杰出海外华人名典”中。