Abstract from Chinese Women in Love and Marriage written by Dawn Xiao Yan Li
A Gentleman from Asian Promise once said:
"In the depths of my heart and soul I feel that all humans on planet earth are the outer manifestation and living essence of the same spirit. It is our cultural influences and indoctrinations that tend to make individuals appear to behave somewhat differently. And even though we as people of the world have different outward appearances, we all have the same inner spirit, the ‘human spirit’. We as humanity must learn to love each other and live together in peace. Intercultural love and marriages are one way to bridge the gulf of misunderstandings and intolerance, cultivates cultural awareness and diversity, and lead to a better world in which to live."
late 2004 Dawn Xiao Yan Li conducted an email survey for the chapter on Western
attitudes toward love and marriage in my book
(Chinese language) . I sent the questionnaire to
fifty Western men from our Asian Promise, ranging from thirty to sixty years of
age. One of the twelve questions I posed was:
"Do you think Chinese women are different from Western women? If yes, how?"The answers I received were all definitely "yes", noting both cultural and physical differences. The results were very close to those found in my own cross-cultural experience. The answers are summarized below :
§ Western women tend to be the equal of their
male counterparts. Because of this many tend to act like men. Chinese women are
not afraid to be women. Chinese women have opinions and work hard and disagree
with their loved ones too, but they still remain feminine.
§ Western women are more direct, outgoing and
experienced in love. They know what they want and achieve it with much
confidence. Chinese women are more timid, more reserved, and less confident.
They often put others’ views and feelings before their own, which causes them to
lose some of their own personality.
§ Western women put more value on the quality
of the marriage, while Chinese women give more value to the marriage itself.
Therefore Chinese women are more willing to overcome their difficulties or even
live with the difficulties within the marriage, rather than abandoning it
§ Western woman are more independent than
Chinese women in general.
§ Chinese women are willing to work hard and
save money because the memory of their old lives is still fresh. They tend to
worry about tomorrow rather than to enjoy today.
§ They have a different style of beauty:
Chinese women have black hair, brown eyes, smooth hairless skin, more petite
bodies, and exhibit a quiet oriental elegance.
please go to Chinese Women in Love and Marriage
As Western men have many reasons to choose Chinese women, so do Chinese women
have many reasons to choose you. For them, too, it also depends on the person
and differs from one to another. The following are reasons
have seen in my
experience with Asian Promise:
Many people cannot find their match nearby. In order to have more choice, they
must broaden their search. As China
opens its door and the Internet becomes more widely available, international
dating becomes possible. As the world become more and more international, the
dating market will become bigger and bigger. More choice means more chance for
her to find the best match.
Moreover, Chinese men do not prefer women who have had a divorce or who already
have children, which makes it very difficult for these Chinese women to find a
new marriage inside
§ Improving quality of life
Improving one’s quality of life through marriage is a tradition in
§ Love of Western culture
Many educated Chinese women have been to the West or have had experience with
Westerners in China
. They are familiar with Western culture and like the culture very much. They
like Western gentlemen who respect ladies and treat them well in public
and at home, qualities which are not commonly seen in
Chinese men within
They like the ability of Western men to put personality above age and
appearance, as well as their more refined tastes in sex, which is not solely
based on physical needs. Westerners accept, and enjoy, a Chinese woman’s
children as well as the woman herself. All in all, Chinese women are pleased
with the Western attitude towards love and marriage.
§ Physical attraction
some Chinese women, Western men look sexier and more attractive – they are
muscular, large, have clear facial features, hairy skin, blue eyes, and are
gentle and humorous.
Falling in love without expecting to: In this case, the couples are normally not
aware of the difference in race or culture before falling in love. In the end,
it is two people together. Cultures,
beliefs and values are all worked out
by the people. As the world becomes more
internationally connected, more and more cross-cultural love, relationships and
marriages will fill this category.
§ Money or passport
Just like some women anywhere else in the world, there are some Chinese women
who want money or a foreign passport and will use Western men to get them. These
women are different from women who want to improve their quality of life through
love and marriage. They are
interested in love, but in material gain. Amongst
these women, some are not aware of the existence of things more valuable than
money. Their attitude towards life might change if they could receive a better
understand that women wanting money and a passport are big concerns for Western
men when they date ladies from poorer countries. I will address this issue again
in the following chapters.
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