Abstract from Chinese Women in Love and Marriage written by Dawn Xiao Yan Li
In late 2004 Dawn Xiao Yan Li conducted an email survey for the chapter on Western attitudes toward love and marriage in her book (Chinese language) . She sent the questionnaire to fifty Western men from Asian Promise, ranging from thirty to sixty years of age. One of the twelve questions she posed was:
“Do you think Chinese women are different from Western women? If yes, how?”
The answers she received were all definitely “yes”, noting both cultural and physical differences. The results were very close to those found in my own cross-cultural experience. The answers are summarized below :
please go to Chinese Women in Love and Marriage
As Western men have many reasons to choose Chinese women, so do Chinese women have many reasons to choose you. For them, too, it also depends on the person and differs from one to another. The following are reasons I have seen in my experience with Asian Promise:
Many people cannot find their match nearby. In order to have more choice, they must broaden their search. As China opens its door and the Internet becomes more widely available, international dating becomes possible. As the world become more and more international, the dating market will become bigger and bigger. More choice means more chance for her to find the best match.
Moreover, Chinese men do not prefer women who have had a divorce or who already have children, which makes it very difficult for these Chinese women to find a new marriage inside China. Because of this, these Chinese women choose to search for love outside of China (an important reason that Asian Promise has experienced). These women do not mind leaving their own country, giving up their well-paid jobs or meeting the challenges of a new culture – they want love and to be loved again.
Improving one’s quality of life through marriage is a tradition in China . Although nowadays many single Chinese women have a good income and life, there are still many women from remote places in China living a more basic way of life. To them, the Western world is a modern world and offers a better life and better opportunities. A good quality of life is a good foundation of the marriage. These women want to find a husband to love and to be loved, and they also hope he will bring them a better life. Sometimes a better life doesn’t mean money and a house, but rather spiritual nourishment.
Many educated Chinese women have been to the West or have had experience with Westerners in China . They are familiar with Western culture and like the culture very much. They like Western gentlemen who respect ladies and treat them well in public and at home, qualities which are not commonly seen in Chinese men within China. Being a “Big man” both in public and at home are still common in China .
They like the ability of Western men to put personality above age and appearance, as well as their more refined tastes in sex, which is not solely based on physical needs. Westerners accept, and enjoy, a Chinese woman’s children as well as the woman herself. All in all, Chinese women are pleased with the Western attitude towards love and marriage.
To some Chinese women, Western men look sexier and more attractive – they are muscular, large, have clear facial features, hairy skin, blue eyes, and are gentle and humorous.
Falling in love without expecting to: In this case, the couples are normally not aware of the difference in race or culture before falling in love. In the end, it is two people together. Cultures, beliefs and values are all worked out by the people. As the world becomes more internationally connected, more and more cross-cultural love, relationships and marriages will fill this category.
Just like some women anywhere else in the world, there are some Chinese women who want money or a foreign passport and will use Western men to get them. These women are different from women who want to improve their quality of life through love and marriage. They are not interested in love, but in material gain. Amongst these women, some are not aware of the existence of things more valuable than money. Their attitude towards life might change if they could receive a better education.
I understand that women wanting money and a passport are big concerns for Western men when they date ladies from poorer countries. I will address this issue again in the following chapters.
Read more about Chinese Women… please go to Chinese Women in Love and Marriage